Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Do you like big butts and are incapable of lying ?
Do you like big butts and are incapable of lying ? Then you're eligible to join my team . The ironic thing is that an anaconda wouldn't want some if you had buns hun because that would make it hard for it to swallow you . Wait , are you telling me that the "anaconda" Sir Mix-a-lot was speaking of was his penis ? And if anything he wants you to swallow it so to speak ? Outrageous ! American Recordings will be getting an angry letter I tell you one thing ! How can none of you know who Jessica Drake is ? She's one of the 12 most popular porn stars in the world . During an HIV outbreak she said that working in her industry is safer than hooking up with randos are bars . She's a licensed sex therapist . Her twitter is pretty lame though . I hear Joe Biden and Donald Trump are saying they want to fight . There's no chance of that happening realistically but I would give a lot to see that . Like maybe all my Star Wars guys (except Boba Fett) . My momma always said that if you're bored that means your a boring person so I've always tried hard to never be bored . But I found out she's wrong - instead only boring people never get bored because it takes imagination to be bored . Which is not to say people with imaginations can't also be boring - a lot of them are quite tedious . Always doing things like whinging on about their dreams . Some people are really into dreams . Some people really HATE when other people talk about their dreams . I used to have no real opinion about dreams but as I get older I feel that hearing about someone's dream is like looking through the pictures on their phone - if you're not in them and no one's naked it's hard to care much . I had a dream last night that I attended a casual luncheon of some kind with Christie Brinkley . Not sure what it was about buy neither of us seemed to know the other people there . After a while Trump and his handlers came in and he invited himself to join the party - which was rude but after that was pretty well behaved . After we all ate and we're waiting for the check Trump offers Brinkley 50 grand to hump and she says to me "We got to get out here now !" . I got the impression it was not because she was afraid or anything but because she wanted to hit up social media immediately to bury Trump further . I was worried about skipping out on the bill but she was insistent . So we go up front and while she's stealing mustard packets I go over to the hostess lady and I pay the whole damn ticket ! And I'm pissed because if anyone should pick up the tab it's the rich man right ? But Christie Brinkley is fucking up the whole program . So we go to leave and there's Trump Junior and he has a pistol trained on us and he says "Where do you think you're going ?" And then Ivanka comes out of the shadows with a sawed-off shotgun . Trump Senior comes up and he says to Brinkley "Hey , you never answered me , what's it going to be ?" And I says to him I says "Do you know who this is or do you think she's just a hot piece of ass ?" And he doesn't answer me but I can tell he doesn't know . So he asks her again and she say no and I say "Do you ever negotiate in these situations ?" and he goes "what do you mean ?" So anyway Ivanka gives Brinkley the "you better do this" look as she unlimbers she shotgun so Brinkley resigns herself and Trumps starts rubbin' all up on her and sucking on her face like a lamprey . And I say "Is there anything I can do to help ?" And Trump Jr waves the pistol and says "What are you gonna do while I got this ?" And I go "I didn't mean help her , I meant like get involved like a threesome" and everyone laughed . Everyone in the restaurant started cheering and then Brinkly , Trump , Jr and I held hands and bowed like at the end of a stage production . That's when I noticed the chick from Blossom/Big Bang Theory was there wearing lingerie and a strap on and I says to her "Do you ever hang around Outback Steakhouse and wait for someone to order an Awesome Blossom and then go over and pretend like they were talking about you ?" And everyone laughed their asses off . Now the reason I know this was a dream is because the Awesome Blossom is at Chilis not Outback Steakhouse . Also you were there . And everyone was nude . Did you know MadTV is back on the air ? I didn't . It got the worst ratings EVER (worse than the XFL ) and is going to be cancelled soon . On the original MadTV (which was better than SNL for a period) they had a sketch where a supposedly sexually experienced man was about to get sexy with a virgin . But all he did was stimulate his own nipples and he kept insisting that's how you have sex no matter what she said . It was pretty funny . I've never really understood why some dudes want to nail virgins but it has to be something like that - they want to do something weird that no one else would put up with . If you thought this blog was bad so far buckle up - it's about to get a lot worse . I put a finger up my butt the other day when I was jerking off . I liked it but I don't think I'll do it again . It's very awkward to finger your own asshole - well if you're a fatty like me anyway , yoga notwithstanding . "Gees 40 just buy a butt plug you gay bastard" . First of all you sir/madam are a homophobe . Secondly every butt plug I've ever seen has been INSANELY huge . I would need like the tiniest butt plug in the world . Thirdly and most importantly though that's too much work . I have a stoker and it's WAAAYYY better than using your hand but I hardly ever use it anymore because you have to get it out and put lube on it and it's a whole production . The whole point of masturbating is laziness . If I'm going to bother with accessories I might as well try to actually get laid . I don't know how you ladies do it with your dildos and your vibrators and your nipple clamps and your wands and whatnot - it's too much . BTW did you know that Awesome Blossom is slang for when a gal is showing a ton of cleavage ? I didn't . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
||||
|
I'm sure we could find you a tiny butt plug. Yay, now I know what to get for 40's next birthday!
| |||
|
I HAVE a big butt and I can not lie... is that close enough? re: all those gadgets we ladies use. We are hard-wired to multitask Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
| |||
|
Hmmm... I had never heard of an Awesome Blossom. Then again, I just found out what a Bean Dip was the other day from my 13 year old son. I'm pretty pathetic....
| |||
|
Yes, I do believe he was referring to his "member" as an Anaconda. I believe other men have sometimes referred to their penis as a Cobra because they couldn't admit it was more like a garter snake. Jessica Drake is HOT! She is one of my favorites. Some photos and dreams are certainly more interesting than others. Yours was, well, very you! I had to double-check that Awesome Blossom fact. You were right. It was Chili's, not Outback. I agree with you, toys are a lot of work. If you do decide to get a butt plug, skip the tiny one and get a small one. They do make them...
|
Become a member to create a blog