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I am not sure what I would do either good luck with it
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U need to get over him first.. He is gone n there is nothing he can do to u lest U let it happen. If those r his last words to u whether hateful or apology u need to know them to put closure regardles of what he has done.... Even his daughter needs to know. She has to put closure not fear in her heart...after all there is nothing he can do
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Burn it... let go of the past!!!
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Buni, awe hun I had no idea, but you should open it, you know what they say goes around comes around and it seems he got his in the end. I have a an ex like that too and he died almost two years ago this august..but I got nothing and he still owes me back child support which I will never see. I hope you open it and he apologizes for the hell he put you and pidgey through..
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Definitely a tough decision either way - would you consider allowing a close friend or family member read the letter and ask them if it's worth your time to read the letter? My thinking is they could save you some pain (if that what is in the letter) and perhaps summarize its content for you. Best of luck with your decision.
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if i were you, i would opened it... if he apologize for what he has done, i would appreciate his last intention to make it up for you... and if he were to say something hurtful...i guess he was just that kind of person to the end...and i am pretty sure you have already know that by now... you are your daughter needs some closure...and either for good or bad, this is the end... i pray for your strength in both of you.
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Let it go.
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Buni, sorry to hear about the tough times you had. Regarding the letter, that is not an easy decision to make. My first reaction was "Burn it", as you have closed that chapter of your life. However, then I thought - and others suggested this as well - another person could read the letter first and see what he had to say. They could then advise you on the best course of action. For your future I wish you boundless happiness ...
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Trust your gut ....... it has been a great guide for you since I have known you and I will support whatever you decide as it will be the right decision, for YOU. Drop in and visit my blog sometime, but you'll probably regret it
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I am going to be in the minority, but I say open it when the time feels right. You have grown and moved on and it is important to at least see if he apologized to you and your daughter for all the hurt he caused. If he did, then you can share the letter with your daughter if you want, or burn it regardless of what's in it.
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Hi Snug! I was JasmineGOBLUE now I'm JasmineUSA!I'm glad you survived the BS!A lot of us don't.Are you on good terms with his brother?Does he know what's in the letter?It's just my thoughts!I don't want you hurt any more!Your friend,Jas.
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Burn it, imho, no point during up old wounds even if he did realize his mistakes. Satyr in Sheep's Skin Peruse my many stories at Satyr39s Storybook Corner or my Renaissance Era BDSM fantasy story at Serial Story Reinport39s Crowning Index.
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I certainly understand you when you say it is toxic being there. Whether to open it or burn it comes down to two questions. One is if you burn it will you keep wondering what he might have said? If so the toxic would still be there. Two is if is a nopology or final slam would it hurt more than having the question still open. Did he ever learn and apologize? Would it matter if he did? Having a therapist read it and let you know which way he jumped has merit as if he got ugly you need only know that fact and not take that specific beating. I expect you have already had these thoughts whirl around your head many times. I can only wish you good luck and tell you that you are one strong, attractive, funny and even beautiful woman. Hugs. Jim If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin." I always behave. Preferably not well.
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SnuggleBuni41 replies on 5/30/2016 10:33 pm: I think no matter what it says, showing Pidgey will only cause harm. I feel protective, but I'm scared more of making the wrong choice. Keeping Pidgey from any harm is of paramount priority. If you read it, you can know......if you don't read it, you can burn it....you have already moved on. I am sure you will only make the choice that is right for you!
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It is a hard choice to make, I can understand that. I usually don't read the other comments before posting mine, however, tonight I did. I think I would go with the therapist idea. I can relate to how much words can hurt, from one who lived in an emotionally abusive marriage for 11 years. It took many years of therapy for me and the children to work through it. I still sometimes have side effects with certain things. I also understand the need for closure.
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Get a lawyer. Sue your ex-BIL for putting you through this. I need a shovel. This is getting deep. I can't tell you what to do. I've seen some great comments already. But here is my two cents..... I wouldn't keep it on my dresser. (But I'm not you.) I don't think I would keep it at all. That doesn't mean I wouldn't open it. .. If it's the most amazing words, would that help? If it is a final slam, would it hurt? .. I suspect it is rambling words from a dying man. Either way, it is not an easy decision. Read my diary Journal of a Taxi Driver for taxi stories and pictures of flowers and trees.
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My advice is similar to some of the prior advice. I would have someone you trust read it and with clear guide lines on what to tell you. I would not destroy it on the off chance you ever want to read it. Hopefully it is something which makes you feel better and does not hurt you in any way.
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I would just throw it in the garbage or burn it. Nothing he said in that letter would make anything from the past better. You've moved on, you're in a better place and it no longer matters what he says. If he said he was sorry....well it's too fucking late for that. If he said something hurtful, then you don't really want to know. Woodrow J. Evers
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He is gone, yet he is still getting to you. Don't allow one more second of him to affect you. I may be wrong, but, I think I would burn it. Flushing it after a big poop may be more fitting.
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I'll read the damned thing and decide whether or not that asshole's last words would mean anything to you or not... Except that is just an offer. I know you'd have to send it to me and let me read it but I know he was horrible to you and it's possible that the last words will bring you some peace or only reaffirm that he was a jerk all the way to the end. Yeah, feel free to ignore my rambling. Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I would have your most trusted friend, therapist, clergyman, etc read it first, and let you know if it was burn worthy or read worthy. Or, someone else who may be impartial to the words that were written and won't have it effect their life if it is filled with hatred towards you and Pidgey.
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You never know... it might be worth reading, or not. I would have read it already and either kept it, because I keep letters and cards and things like that, or have ripped it up and thrown it in the trash. I'm curious and would not have left it laying around. You could take a lighter with you and go in the back yard (because I'm safety conscious and don't want you to burn your house down) and open it and read it. If it starts to get ugly then light it up and have the last laugh. But I would read it through to the end. Then if it was bad stuff flame it. After all he is gone, history and you are in control now and he is just a bad memory. I believe you are strong enough to handle any crap he could possibly put in there. Maybe he will apologize and you still have the power to send it up in smoke or not. Sometimes peoples history and experiences lead them down a path that isn't good for them or the people around them. Sometimes they come to regret the choices they made or the things they did. Would it make you feel better if he said he was sorry, that he had treated you and Pidge wrong and that he regretted doing so? I think you might regret not reading it before destroying it. You would have gotten rid of it already if you didn't want to read it. Vive La Difference
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It's Schrödinger's letter: simultaneously absolution and condemnation. But the thing is, it's in your power to decide how much you care about the contents of the letter. You can take words to heart, or not. That's easier said than don't though, because you may just be hanging on. You may just be giving power to your ex, to the situation. You knew that before you clicked on "add". What you may not know is why you're still giving him power. I believe that we hang onto emotions like that for as long as they are useful. Why is it useful to give a dead man so much power? Once you answer that and are immune to his control, you should totally read it. You probably won't stress, no matter what it says, because you've already imagined the worst. But you should totally read it, because there's nothing you haven't already thought of In there, and then you can just move on and forget the whole thing.
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You have a good head on your shoulders Buni and will do what feels the best in your heart and soul. I believe I agree with quite a few on here that it's a good idea to burn it, eat and it and shit it out, do what you have to do to destroy it. it's done, he's gone, you and Pidgey have moved on and are still healing whether you admit it or not. My feeling is that this may take you 3 steps back when you have moved so far forward. I am just getting to know you, but with all the good that's in your life right now, you don't need this. Burn the fucking thing and then drop it in the toilet! xoxo Rachel Mae
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Needless to say, you're the one that must decide what to do....I can only tell you what I would do, and that is to open it and read it. couldn't live with myself not knowing. It may be just what you need for a total closure. WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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As someone said, it's Schrodinger's letter - good or bad but you won't know until you read it. But... If it's nasty, well you don't need to read that -> BURN. If it's nice then let's consider his motive... He wants absolution, selfish and at your expense -> BURN. He feels the need to let you know that he realizes he was a bastard, it wasn't your fault... well you know that already so why do you need to hear it from him? -> BURN. Burn it, forget it, continue moving on
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Could you burn it without knowing what's in it? If you can, do so. Take it to the back yard, think about releasing all the negative thoughts/energy that the letter and anything connected to him has brought to you. Light a match, set the letter on fire. As it burns, think of it as releasing all that from your life. Then take a deep breath....and go on with your life knowing you did what you needed to do.
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WOW, this is serious – I'm not even sure I should comment! Intensely personal decision – but were it me I HAVE to read it, and either be relieved, or feel reconfirmed as to what an ass he still was. Why Yard Sales Are Important Photos Color vs B W But WHICH Sport Is It on HNW [post 3312759] My Private Blog – Tell me All your Secrets
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One way or another, make a decision and don't let it keep bugging you. He already showed you he isn't worth your time and anguish. Nothing has changed. He was dishonest all the while he knew you and had plenty of time to show he'd changed. He never made the effort to do that because he didn't have it in him. It doesn't make any difference if you read it or not- just get it out of the way and save the space it's taking up in your head. My own opinion is that you can't trust any emotion expressed in that letter any more than you could trust him when he was still alive. Deathbed confessions are for the guilty. He wanted some kind of absolution. Fuck him. So- read it or don't read it, but be done with it. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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there is always a part of us that wants to know. I get that. here's the thing for me....if you walked away before and you didn't believe there was a single thing he could ever say to you that could alter the hell he put you through......why give him this power now? of course, it has no power........so in the end even if you do read it, burn it and send the smoke to the gods who gave you your strength and power to leave this piece of waste behind. either way........you've already won. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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It is an attempt to control you from beyond the grave. You succeeded in ridding yourself of a man who caused you torment....get rid of the letter. Nothing he can say now can ever change what happened or the fact that your own amazing strength got you past it with your daughter. ~~Anais Nin~~
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Don't burn it. My ex wife wrote me a letter about 5 years after we were divorced. It's sitting on my desk, unread. I'm sure I'll read it at some point, and I'm curious as to what it says. I doubt it contains anything hurtful, as we get along fine, but who knows? I've often thought about getting someone to read it first and tell me if there's anything important there
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The question to ask yourself is what would you do if he was still alive and he called you, or sent an SMS or wrote you a letter? Whatever you answer for that situation is the right answer now. We come across people who are unpleasant, evil and harmful. I avoid them and get them out of my life as soon as I realize they have a negative impact on my wellbeing. Once out, they stay out and no exceptions. Read my blog here guy4frot
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This is a tough conundrum for you but an exciting story for your readers. Can you enlist another person's judgment to look at the paper first, then decide if you should see it? My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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SnuggleBuni41 replies on 5/31/2016 10:08 pm: You're right. I cannot trust a single word on that paper. Not one. I needed to be reminded of that... Thank you Buni, I love you. Really. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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ashes to ashes, dust to dust. burn the fucker in a pyre worthy of your pain, then let it dissolve and fade away. Hopefully a new sun is on your horizon.
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Buni Seriously .. burn it ... scatter ashes & forget it A Abuser never repent never regrets that is a reality You cut him off when he was alive ..let him remain cut off in death
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Have someone else preread it. If it is not good, burn it unread. If it is good, consider reading it or saving it. Pick someone who isn't too close to determine, perhaps someone not TOO close to you. Perhaps a member of the clergy. Your accountant or attorney. Or...open it, copy it, and cut the page horizontally into 20 -30 pieces. Pick one small section to read. If not good, burn it all. If possibly good, read another section. I had a similar situation once. It is tough. My prayers are with you. Embrace the suck
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If it was me I would read it....it's only words...but that is just me, I easily toss things aside if they annoy me....you I don't know...maybe not so much? I think no matter if it was good or bad it would stay with you for a while...so I would take the advise of most of the people on here and just burn it, chuck it, ditch it....but for me I would wonder if he was an ass to the end or maybe repented! A story by Lucius8858
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If he were alive and said he wanted to talk to you, would you go and listen? If so, then I agree let someone like a therapist read it first. If not, then burn it. Me, I would burn it. Because if its hateful, you don't need to read it. And if it's not hateful? Then it was too little too late. He had plenty of chances to make things right. He doesn't deserve the satisfaction. Good luck, and I wish you peace with whatever decision you make.
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6/11/2016 12:23 am |
Read then burn
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I think you should send it ti Kitkat and let her read it. If it's good, she can send it back.
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Read and then burn it
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I would say read it and burn . Just hear what he has to say. I was in a relationship like that and gal no man that is ruthless even deserves a chance. He put u thru hell no matter the situation . Hear him and that's keep moving.
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Hi, You don't know me, I don't know you... but burn it. From what he did to you, to your daughter, he has lost his right to say a thing to you. My 2 cents. Good luck.
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I don't think you should read it. If it was that important, he'd have written the letter long ago. Everyone regrets things when they are going to die or think they're going to die. If you want to forgive him (which is what I'm assuming is being sought with an apology/repent) you can do that on your own without the letter. I know you can never forget what he did, but hopefully you've moved on to live well and go on with your life.
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You have come so far from such a sad and evil situation. Your life seems to have found the sunshine. Have another person read the epistle. If it will bring rain and rehashing old memories into your sun, get rid of it. I have recently removed a couple of badasses from my life , people who claimed they were my friends. There will be no going back. Think about how far you have come and put a rein on your curiosity. Burn it or better yet flush it down and light a sunshine candle (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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